Brandon set up a therapy appointment because his wife had busted him with a Hinge account and she insisted he get some help. He claimed he was bored and needed an avenue for some excitement so he created the dating profile for fun. He never had any intention of meeting anyone, he just wanted some harmless flirting. Brandon had exchanges with dozens of women, messaging some of them for weeks on end and getting deep into romantic and sexualized content. When it came time for an in-person meeting, Brandon disappeared. No harm no foul, right?
What is it about dating apps that seems to legitimize bad behaviors we would never exhibit in real life? We’ve seen countless clients in serious emotional distress from being on the receiving end of behaviors like Brandon’s. What may seem like innocent flirtation to one person can be really damaging to another. While you may not be able to avoid these bad actors entirely, we want to help you identify some common problematic behaviors so you can be more aware.
Ghosting is probably the bad behavior you’re most familiar with. Ghosting is when someone suddenly stops talking to or responding to another person without any explanation or warning. It's like they vanish into thin air, hence the term "ghosting." Instead of having a straightforward conversation or ending things properly, they just disappear, leaving the other person feeling confused, hurt. abandoned, and wondering what they did wrong.
Catfishing is when someone creates a fake online identity to deceive people into thinking they're someone else. They are pretending to be a different person on the internet, often with the intention of manipulating someone or gaining their trust. People might catfish for various reasons, like seeking attention, playing pranks, or even trying to scam someone for financial gain. It can be really hurtful because it toys with people's emotions and can lead to all sorts of problems and hurt feelings.
Posing is when someone pretends to be someone they're not, usually to impress others or fit in with a certain group. They are putting on a show because they think it will make them more desirable. People might pose by exaggerating their accomplishments, interests, income, career, or personality traits to make themselves seem more interesting and attractive. Posing is easy on dating apps and other social media because photos and status updates can be difficult to verify.
Cushioning is a form of having a backup plan in relationships. It's when someone maintains ongoing contact with other people on the side while they're in a relationship, just in case things don't work out with their current partner. They're "cushioning" themselves against the possibility of being alone by keeping one or more reserves on the side. It's not exactly the same thing as overtly cheating, but it's definitely not fair to the person they're with because they're not fully committed. They're hedging their bets, which is hurtful and dishonest.
We would love to hear about your experiences with these behaviors on the apps, so leave us a comment below. In the meantime, always be cautious and skeptical when interacting with people online, especially if something seems too good to be true. For your best chance of finding a quality partner and avoiding these behaviors altogether, join the Get Dateable community where these things don’t happen. www.getdateable.com
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