FOBO (Fear of Better Options) describes our difficulty in making decisions when we have multiple options that could all potentially be good. We research every possible choice, trying to make sure we don’t miss out on the best one. I am famous for doing this with movie selection. I have trouble enjoying movies because I’m always worried there is a better way I could be spending my time. If I’m going to watch a movie, I must ensure it is the absolute best one available on any streaming platform. This leads me to spending a ridiculous amount of time scrolling through Netflix, Prime, Apple, and Hulu trying to find the exact movie that I’m sure will not be a waste of two hours. My rational self knows this is absurd but I do it anyway.
This is precisely what happens to folks on dating apps. You see a profile that looks alright, but there’s probably someone better waiting with the next swipe. Why waste your time starting to communicate with Okay Person #1 when Perfect Person #2 could be just around the corner? This leads to endless swiping and paralysis that prevents you from actually moving forward, and no decision gets made. FOBO has been created because we live in a world with too many possibilities. We’ve told ourselves this makes life better, but is that really true?
Think about what life would have been like if you lived in a small village hundreds of years ago. There would likely be a handful of potential partners within your acceptable demographic, you would choose the best one, and that would be that. You can implement a similar strategy in your decision making process today by allowing yourself to make what is called the Mostly Fine Decision. This is the outcome you would be okay with, even if you don’t know for certain that it’s the absolute best one possible. How might you apply this to your dating life? Let us know your experiences with FOBO in the comments below.
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