You’re making the apps your part-time job, reaching out to potential matches and responding to folks who reach out to you. Sometimes you strike gold and land a date with someone who seems promising. Things go well, you allow yourself to get excited about the possibility of the next date, and then it never happens. After going through this experience more than once, you start to wonder why those 2nd dates aren’t materializing.
No worries, Get Dateable is here to help you figure this out! We’ve talked to lots of people about what seals their decision to not ask for a 2nd date, and here are the top 5 things they told us:
- Inauthenticity: The biggest turn-off daters report is going out with someone who is trying too hard. This can be evident in how you dress, how you groom yourself, how much cosmetic work you’ve had done, and most importantly in how you behave. Of course you want to wear something you feel great in; just make sure it’s something that feels like you. Stay present and tune in to the conversation so you can really respond in a way that feels true and authentic, rather than coming up with topics or answers you think the other person wants to hear. We’ve said this a thousand times before, and we will continue to tell you, who you are is good enough. Be the best you possible.
- Self-centeredness: Another reason our clients don’t go out with someone a 2nd time is because their date came across as self-centered. This can show up in the form of talking about yourself the whole time, not asking questions of the other person, or not showing an interest in them or what they want. Make sure you’re finding a good balance between being interested and interesting, showing curiosity about your date and also bringing engaging topics to the conversation.
- No goodness of fit: Sometimes your date is a great person but they’re just not the person for you. There is nothing wrong with a square peg or a round hole, the two just don’t fit together well. You may be physically active while your date prefers watching movies on the couch. In this case neither of you needs to change, you just need to find a more compatible partner. Don’t interpret this as a reflection of yourself.
- Unrealistic expectations: One of the factors that thwarts the desire for a 2nd date is not setting appropriate requests or demands with someone you barely know. Examples of this include expecting frequent texts or calls, anticipating they will pay for your expenses on dates, trying to influence what they do or don’t post on social media, or expectations of sexual intimacy. You may have projected traits onto them based on what you want to believe. In general, work on keeping expectations to a minimum and just observe how the person behaves.
- Factors that have nothing to do with you: When you’ve just met someone you don’t really know much about what’s going on in their life. An old flame may have resurfaced the day after your first date and made an offer they couldn’t refuse. They may have been uber-attracted to you and realized they weren’t emotionally ready for that. They may have found out you have a mutual connection that could tell you damaging information about them. There are a whole host of reasons they don’t ask for a 2nd date that have absolutely nothing to do with you. Practice not taking this personally.
At Get Dateable we can help you mitigate all these things so you’ll get more 2nd dates. Membership in our exclusive community will have you passing these milestones with flying colors. Join us today.
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